I dream of never being called resilient again in my life. I’m exhausted by my strength; I want support, I want softness, I want relief. I want to be amongst kin. Not patted on the back for how well and how hard I can take a hit.” – Zandashé L’orelia Brown
This brave statement was made by a woman who had been rewarded over and over again for toughening up, shutting up and shutting down.
I’m so glad that the term “resilience” is being called out for what it is, another way our society rewards us for not feeling our emotions and burying our pain. We are encouraged to say that we’re OK, to say we’re strong and to keep going. This is one face of Toxic positivity.
For generations we have been programmed to ignore our pain, and believed that this will numb the pain and even make it go away.
Overriding or denying the pain does allow us to keep going, to cope and to manage our day-to-day lives, at least for a little while. But the pain doesn’t go away, it simply gets absorbed into our system. Our pain, anger, sadness, hopelessness, etc. become toxic when they are buried and ultimately, they can end up burying us!
I know this all too well. As a child, I endured bullying and racism at school and outbursts of rage, that would pierce the usual silent neglect at home. Unseen wounds that caused me to feel sad, lonely, disconnected, frozen and numb. I coped by becoming the “good girl”, which in my family looked like, being studious, quiet and compliant on the outside. On the inside I felt like an unwanted outsider. I felt deeply unlovable, but I still craved love. It was the perfect set up to get into co-dependent relationships starting at 13 years old.
I didn’t know who I was. I wanted to belong, and I thought that meant I had to belong to someone.
In my consciousness journey, I’ve learned that it takes support and healing to be able to see and speak my truth. It takes some time to make space for my emotions. It takes compassion to be able to feel that it’s ok to need what I need. This journey has helped me to reclaim myself, to have a voice, to feel my body, to feel lovable, and to create a truly connected loving relationship.
You have your own unique, beautiful path. If you need someone to really hear you and guide you on your journey back home to yourself, I am here for you. If my words resonate with you please reach out, my Consciousness Coaching is all about reclaiming and embodying love, and self compassion.
Peace and Love,
Anarah
Holding Space in the World for more Self Compassion and Love