Have you heard the term, “before times”? I’ve heard it a few times recently. It references life before the pandemic and before all the other challenges of the last few years. I’ve also heard a some people say that they want to be back in those days, and even back in previous decades.
This may show up in a variety of ways. Externally it may show up as a hankering to watch or consume TV shows, movies, foods, treats, etc. from a happier, simpler time. The popularity of the “Friends” reunion was an example of this.
Wanting to reconnect to the way it used to be before we collectively began the to face the challenges that we are facing now is a way to sooth our frazzled, overloaded nervous systems. It is normal and it’s okay!
The past was definitely not perfect. There were many aspects that obviously needed to be addressed and changed; however it did feel easier then. It feels good to acknowledge this instead of just forging on and battling through this moment in our collective history.
Take a moment and become present to how much stress you may be carrying. Breathe it out and then repeat three more times. Sometimes meditation feels like it’s too much. Taking three really deep breaths is an easy way to help yourself.
Remember we are connected, so we feel energy and emotions collectively, whether this is consciously or unconsciously. You may be carrying more than your own emotions. Releasing heavy energy through breath and visualization can and does help.
Remember to see a great future for yourself and for us all collectively. Our thoughts do matter, and believing in bright possibilities is so important, especially now. If we see it we can move towards it by taking action that aligns with and supports our vision.
My wish for you is that you can find lots of happiness and joy this summer. Hopefully you can enjoy some simple pleasures like ice cream on a sunny day, being in the great outdoors, and holding your loved ones close.
BTW I’m taking August away from writing and working so you will hear from me again after Labor Day.
Next Soul Cafe on Sept 9th!
Peace and Love, Anarah Holding Space in the World for more Self Compassion and Love
I dream of never being called resilient again in my life. I’m exhausted by my strength; I want support, I want softness, I want relief. I want to be amongst kin. Not patted on the back for how well and how hard I can take a hit.” – Zandashé L’orelia Brown
This brave statement was made by a woman who had been rewarded over and over again for toughening up, shutting up and shutting down.
I’m so glad that the term “resilience” is being called out for what it is, another way our society rewards us for not feeling our emotions and burying our pain. We are encouraged to say that we’re OK, to say we’re strong and to keep going. This is one face of Toxic positivity.
For generations we have been programmed to ignore our pain, and believed that this will numb the pain and even make it go away.
Overriding or denying the pain does allow us to keep going, to cope and to manage our day-to-day lives, at least for a little while. But the pain doesn’t go away, it simply gets absorbed into our system. Our pain, anger, sadness, hopelessness, etc. become toxic when they are buried and ultimately, they can end up burying us!
I know this all too well. As a child, I endured bullying and racism at school and outbursts of rage, that would pierce the usual silent neglect at home. Unseen wounds that caused me to feel sad, lonely, disconnected, frozen and numb. I coped by becoming the “good girl”, which in my family looked like, being studious, quiet and compliant on the outside. On the inside I felt like an unwanted outsider. I felt deeply unlovable, but I still craved love. It was the perfect set up to get into co-dependent relationships starting at 13 years old.
I didn’t know who I was. I wanted to belong, and I thought that meant I had to belong to someone.
In my consciousness journey, I’ve learned that it takes support and healing to be able to see and speak my truth. It takes some time to make space for my emotions. It takes compassion to be able to feel that it’s ok to need what I need. This journey has helped me to reclaim myself, to have a voice, to feel my body, to feel lovable, and to create a truly connected loving relationship.
You have your own unique, beautiful path. If you need someone to really hear you and guide you on your journey back home to yourself, I am here for you. If my words resonate with you please reach out, my Consciousness Coaching is all about reclaiming and embodying love, and self compassion.
Peace and Love, Anarah Holding Space in the World for more Self Compassion and Love
Are you going through something in your life that you are aware of but find it hard to understand, define or explain? Do you feel like you’re changing but don’t know exactly how? Often when change is happening at really deep levels, we don’t have the words to communicate it to others. There are a couple of reasons for this:
The area of our brain that processes deeply doesn’t have a linear sense of time or language. It is emotional, instinctive and has the ability to share only by using analogies and visual imagery. Hence, we often have dreams when we are at a crossroads, when we’re confronted by “big stuff”. Or we sleep so deeply that we don’t even recall our dreams, but our sleep feels different. We may also experience a phase where we’re not sleeping, and we’re waking up in the middle of the night so we find that we are tired, or even weary.
When we are experiencing a period of intense stress, we are likely triggered by something from our past, even from our early childhood, and we encounter our young inner selves. These Parts could not understand what happened to them or to give it language. So, often when we experience the same emotional environment, we too lose the ability to express ourselves clearly.
Transformation is different from the stress of going through a hard circumstance. It’s not a given or a foregone conclusion that we will evolve or transform following a difficult period. We may simply persevere through or survive the challenges, but not necessarily grow from it. The way I define transformation is deep, core “up-levelling” of our system. Our way of thinking, believing and therefore being, shifts to a higher vibration. Sometimes our external situations also change. We move homes, change jobs or professions, and perhaps even have new relationships. Our friends may fall away, and more aligned communities emerge. All the circumstances in our life are up for a reboot! This can be SCARY. You can feel like a fish out of water, disconnected, shut down, even angry or sad. Grief can be a part of the process and can take us inward where it feels difficult to connect with others. Both the experience of being in a challenging situation and going through a transformation can feel difficult. We may feel some part of our life is threatened. Going through something like that is hard, even terrifying. The difference is whether you’re going to try to be THE SAME YOU that created the situation or whether you are willing to and able to endure doing the internal work to MAKE A SHIFT HAPPEN!! If you choose to do the work, it will feel different. It may not be easy but you won’t be trying to manage or control the outside. You will lean in and look on the inside. Know Thyself, Love Thyself are the words to live by here. Simple but not easy.
Transformation is a rebirth. There is a light at the end of the tunnel! You will re-emerge, you will be stronger internally and externally and a whole new life can enfold. YOU CAN DO IT, YOU WILL DO IT!
“It’s your road and yours alone, others may walk it with you but no one can walk it for you.” – Rumi
How did you end up with the partner you have? Did you choose from a place of being in love? Did you choose from a place of survival? A place of desperation? A place of reaction, wanting the opposite of what you had and hurt you? Did you choose consciously or unconsciously? Chances are if you were in love, it felt right, but that can still mean you were unconsciously choosing.
I call the dynamics of two people being attracted to each other and getting into a relationship, “Love Velcro”. Often this “Love Velcro” got us into what felt good because it was familiar, and because it was familiar, it felt safe and even controllable. The brain loves safety and predictability. Being in love can feel out of control in the best way, but our partner can fall within a safe range or “type.” There’s nothing wrong with this; I’m simply talking about what our brain is doing and how it’s making the decisions that will play out for years, decades, even for the rest of your life.
LOVE VELCRO
What is the phenomenon? How is it we can walk into a room and be attracted to someone we don’t know? Why does this happen with some people and not with others? Why can’t we control who we’re attracted to, no matter how hard we try?
I would answer these questions differently if you were in love and fell out of love. But I’m talking about the very beginning of a relationship when the attraction is palpable, and others can even feel the chemistry. It feels like a lock meeting a key or two sides of velcro coming together.
When we meet our Velcro partner, it can feel like we know this person. Even that somehow we were meant to be in each other’s lives. It can feel like you’ve been waiting for them and that now that they are here, everything will be alright. It feels like we can’t get enough of them and, sometimes that can feel like we know exactly what to do with our life now. We know how to give this person what they need, and hopefully they can give us what we need and that gives us happiness and purpose. It can feel like coming home while at the same time being on an exhilarating ride. Yes, both at once.
I would like to explain Love Velcro a little more; we are made of energy, our energy signature, “our vibe” is around us all the time sending out signals that attract and repel certain people and experiences. It is not verbal, it is energy, information and emotion and we pick it up with everyone. It’s this energy signature that acts as Love Velcro to our partners. Embedded in our energy signature is our whole story, our passions, love AND our pain and fear. Often when we feel connected with someone its their story and our story overlapping. For better or worse we are locked into a dynamic with them.
This journey with our partner can be fun and it also will be an invitation to heal because your partner will trigger parts of your psyche that are unhealed and need your attention, just as much as you will trigger your partner’s psyche. I have to say that as amazing as that new love feels, Love Velcro means we have work to do and that this person most likely will “help” us confront and face what is unhealed in our journey towards loving ourselves fully.
Eg1. They felt so loving in the beginning, but then they would get so controlling and angry
Eg2. I really felt I could help her, that she needed me, but then her insecurity became a turn-off, and I’m not attracted to her anymore
Flipside Partner:
Eg1. She drives me crazy with her criticism. It makes me push back by getting angry.
Eg2. He really understood how life has not been easy for me, but as usual, they get what they want then they leave me.
The best way to go into a relationship is to understand that we will be triggered by our partner. Also, to be prepared at some point for work on yourself. This is not a failure; everyone will have a chance to grow through relationship. The absolute gift of loving another person is the joy, love and deep intimacy that comes when you’ve faced whatever has stopped you from fully loving yourself. This is the Love Paradox that I will talk about next time.
WOULD YOU LIKE A FREE 15 MINUTE CONSULTATION? TEXT 310.597.1238 TO SET UP A TIME
See what one of our course participants had to say…
“The Conscious Connected Relationships Course has been such an incredible journey for me. When I’ve taken programs in the past it has felt like a bit of overwhelm to add the work to my typically hectic schedule. When it comes to this course though, no matter how busy I’ve been, it feels like I get so much nourishment from the sessions that I look so forward to them each week.“
– Michelle H
IDENTITY DEVELOPMENT (ID) SESSIONS
Logistical Details:
Date: Every Thursday remaining in 2020. Except for:
December 24
December 31
Time: 7:00 PM – 8:30PM PST Price: $25 *After 4 paid $25 sessions, you are eligible to have your own ID session (be the Subject), for no additional charge.
Payment options:
Vemmo (@Anarah)
Paypal (anarah@mac.com)
Canadians can pay through e-transfer (please contact me for details)
Are you in a pattern you don’t know how to change?
Is it possible you’re in a level of unconscious self-protection that’s keeping your real love from coming in?
Are you willing to look at yourself?
This month, we are exploring the topic of rose-colored glasses
How is it that we can find ourselves in a relationship that feels so difficult and wrong when it used to feel so right? How did this happen? How could we be at this painful place with the person that was supposed to be the one?
Unfortunately, it is so easy to do and we become lost in making things work, figuring it out, not wanting to be alone, or single and dating AGAIN.
The term rose-coloured glasses is used when we see the object of our affection as beautiful, amazing, flawless or at the very least, their flaws are so cute and attractive. Or maybe we even see those flaws as a challenge to be loved away by us.
Literally, the thing that drew us to that person is what ends up being the most difficult. Eg – They are so in charge of their life, becomes, they are so controlling. Eg2 – I love that they need me, becomes, I feel suffocated, why can’t they be more self-reliant!
The love cocktail that was in your brain, those amazing chemicals and hormones that felt like love, attraction, chemistry, connection, was so strong it literally overrode your frontal lobes. Anything that should have set off alarm bells become blurred and justified. Remember, we are all trying to have that happy ending to a part of our original story.
So whoever you find yourself in a relationship with, know that there’s a reason you attracted them into your life. Know that whatever they are bringing up emotionally in you, is actually exactly what you were unconsciously trying to achieve to have that type of person love you, accept you and see your worth. Again, unconsciously you believed if you could be loved by them then that would mean you were actually deserving and lovable.
Don’t worry, there’s a way through this…
On some level, we’re all wanting a more loving and connected relationship. And it is possible, I’ve witnessed beautiful breakthroughs. We can work with what we have and build on that. There are proven ways to make the changes inside of us to create the space for deep conscious love to flourish. It takes some effort, commitment and being ready for something that feels more honoring to each of you.
I can attest to the fact that even after decades, a deeper level of love and trust can be experienced. The amazing part is that one partner can do the work if the other is unwilling to. There are steps to understanding the dynamic between you and learning how to implement changes. And once you’re able to see what has been happening you will be on your way to lasting loving connection.
Would you like a free 15-minute consultation? Please call 310.579.1238
Identity Development Sessions
Logistical Details:
Date: Every Thursday remaining in 2020. Except for:
November 26
December 24
December 31
Time: 7:00 PM – 8:30PM PST Price: $25 *After 4 paid $25 sessions, you are eligible to have your own ID session (be the Subject), for no additional charge.
Payment options:
Vemmo (@Anarah)
Paypal (anarah@mac.com)
Canadians can pay through e-transfer (please contact me for details)
In this video, I talk about a specific cultural shift in the idea of what love is. I would love to hear your thoughts and comments about what I consider to be a huge shift in consciousness.
