What does it mean “to hold space” for someone? Why has this figure of speech entered our lexicon?
Holding space is when we can consciously make room for another person to have an experience or an outcome that they want. We are attuned to them, we see them and we hear them. In other words, we are very present for that person in the way that they need or want.
I vividly remember a scene at a wedding I attended ten years ago. The scene I’m experiencing again is watching my husband Malik, play at the fountain with our three-year-old niece. The sun is shining and reflected in the water, the sound of my niece’s laughter is in my ears, believe it or not, a butterfly appears to play with them. I’m very aware of how Malik has created a special bubble of love and joy around them. He is very gently holding space for my niece to play and experience full 100 % unconditional love and acceptance. Almost everyone turns to look at them, in silent reverence. It’s like “they” are in their own world and “we” on the outside can only watch. Everyone is quiet and wants to join in, but somehow we don’t want to break the spell that holds them in this magical world.
Of course, the spell does break when an errant aunt, (who doesn’t hold the same intention), tries to get in on the action. Her vibration is about getting attention rather than giving it and everyone turns away almost simultaneously to continue to eat or do whatever they were doing beforehand.
I believe the power of a consciously held presence is elevating and profoundly healing. I think we’ve all experienced a state like this but often we can’t hold it for very long. Once experienced though, we can return to it in our memory and allow it to elevate us once more.
Recently in a “presencing” session, I was a part of, one of us achieved a state that changed the experience of all five of us who were in attendance. Our small closed group has been meeting weekly, for over a year and this particular session will be etched in our memory and our bodies. One of us followed a body sensation, that led to a thought, that led to belief/pattern/ emotional charge. It also led to a traumatized child part of the psyche being able to be seen and held with love and compassion. This is standard practice for the group but what happened next was unprecedented. And really there are no words for it, a movement of energy with the corresponding release was palpable, the energy shifted to a higher frequency in real-time and everyone felt it. Whatever the others were thinking become silent and a feeling of peace washed over us. This was not a sleepy peace but a feeling of a deep, grounded connection to a power that was beyond us. It was all the more remarkable because it was a shared experience on Zoom. Each of us had a palpable shift in consciousness, the mind quieted, the body relaxed, the vibe felt noticeably higher. It was like we were lifted up and beyond our own small self, into the best part of us without trying. We were simply supremely present and in our bodies, feeling and listening attentively. One of us had transformed and in the held space and in the witnessing all of us had partaken of the moment in our own way. We had a profound personal shift because one person led the way and had moved a mountain of pain into vapor and set herself free.
I guess what I’m saying is that we affect each other, our vibrational field which is made up of our thoughts and of our unprocessed “stuff” makes an invisible bubble around us. This field affects what we experience and how we experience life. It also affects people who are around us.
We know that every thought, every action, and emotion vibrate at a specific kilohertz frequency. This is written about in the well-researched book, Power vs Force, by Dr. David Hawkins. He maps the entire spectrum of human consciousness, from the lower levels of fear, anger, guilt, and shame through to acceptance and courage and beyond to the expanded awareness that comes with love, peace, ecstasy, and enlightenment.
I believe we can permanently change our vibration, it has to do with how much emotional capacity we can cultivate, and how much love we can hold, for ourselves and for others. I think one way of changing our vibration is through trauma release work.
What is fascinating to me, especially in these times is the nature of our interconnectedness. Not just what we do, but what we think, what emotions we most frequently vibrate at, and how loving we can be to each other have a profound effect on all of us as a collective. Our presence and the quality of it matters, it matters a lot.
Peace, Anarah Holding Space for More Self Compassion and Love in the World.
Sometimes you will be called to go deep into the temple, (your Self).Sometimes your unfolding will be in the marketplace, (among others and in society).
I stand on the steps of the temple, not ready to relinquish the sanctuary that it gives me.
Going back out in the world now, after an extended sojourn feels awkward and strange. I don’t know about you, but to be honest, I still haven’t ventured out much.
I’m an introvert and I’m super sensitive to energy. I can and like to be social, but to replenish I need to be at home, in my own space. I’ve had so much time at home now, that going out into the new emotional, social, political climate, feels like a lot of work.
I would like to be an extrovert as they seem to know how to have more fun. And, I also know the pandemic and the restrictions it brought have been hard on these folks in so many ways.
We’ve had a lot to deal with for a prolonged period of time. Remember, our brains literally change and adapt for our survival. Habits that have been reinforced with stress for a year have become somewhat ingrained in us.
Some of the ways we’ve adapted to protect ourselves may still be very alive in us. We may still be shielding ourselves, maybe from the virus, or perhaps from the different viewpoints that people have about the virus.
It may be a while yet until we feel safe, carefree, or even “normal” again. My message today is: Let’s be gentle on ourselves and others.
It’s ok to take things at our own pace.
It’s ok to feel some big emotions around all our losses, real and perceived, and our re-entry into life.
It’s also ok to reach out for support if you want it.
For now, I will meet you at the temple steps…
Peace and Love, Anarah Holding Space in the World for more Self Compassion and Love
Are you going through something in your life that you are aware of but find it hard to understand, define or explain? Do you feel like you’re changing but don’t know exactly how? Often when change is happening at really deep levels, we don’t have the words to communicate it to others. There are a couple of reasons for this:
The area of our brain that processes deeply doesn’t have a linear sense of time or language. It is emotional, instinctive and has the ability to share only by using analogies and visual imagery. Hence, we often have dreams when we are at a crossroads, when we’re confronted by “big stuff”. Or we sleep so deeply that we don’t even recall our dreams, but our sleep feels different. We may also experience a phase where we’re not sleeping, and we’re waking up in the middle of the night so we find that we are tired, or even weary.
When we are experiencing a period of intense stress, we are likely triggered by something from our past, even from our early childhood, and we encounter our young inner selves. These Parts could not understand what happened to them or to give it language. So, often when we experience the same emotional environment, we too lose the ability to express ourselves clearly.
Transformation is different from the stress of going through a hard circumstance. It’s not a given or a foregone conclusion that we will evolve or transform following a difficult period. We may simply persevere through or survive the challenges, but not necessarily grow from it. The way I define transformation is deep, core “up-levelling” of our system. Our way of thinking, believing and therefore being, shifts to a higher vibration. Sometimes our external situations also change. We move homes, change jobs or professions, and perhaps even have new relationships. Our friends may fall away, and more aligned communities emerge. All the circumstances in our life are up for a reboot! This can be SCARY. You can feel like a fish out of water, disconnected, shut down, even angry or sad. Grief can be a part of the process and can take us inward where it feels difficult to connect with others. Both the experience of being in a challenging situation and going through a transformation can feel difficult. We may feel some part of our life is threatened. Going through something like that is hard, even terrifying. The difference is whether you’re going to try to be THE SAME YOU that created the situation or whether you are willing to and able to endure doing the internal work to MAKE A SHIFT HAPPEN!! If you choose to do the work, it will feel different. It may not be easy but you won’t be trying to manage or control the outside. You will lean in and look on the inside. Know Thyself, Love Thyself are the words to live by here. Simple but not easy.
Transformation is a rebirth. There is a light at the end of the tunnel! You will re-emerge, you will be stronger internally and externally and a whole new life can enfold. YOU CAN DO IT, YOU WILL DO IT!
“It’s your road and yours alone, others may walk it with you but no one can walk it for you.” – Rumi
